I know how you feel....

We all use this line in day to day living, "I know how you feel". I would like to apologize to everyone I have said these words to. I have used these words, in the past, to make the other person feel that I understand their situation. But, do we really feel what the other person is feeling? I do not think so.

I am a dentist and I have extracted many teeth. Some patients ended up with a complication called dry socket. It happens in 10% of the cases. I would treat the patient as I was taught in school. I remember saying to my patients that I know how you feel. My statement used to be totally based on what I had studied, not on personal experience. My last ten days of pain has made it very clear, boy, I underestimated their pain. I had no idea what my patients were feeling and my educated guess was no where close to the pain I have been feeling. Last week, I had to get one of my teeth extracted. I went to an oral surgeon and follow all the post-op instructions but I kept having this awful pain which was not reducing after three days. Mind you, my husband is a dentist also who enjoys extracting teeth. He was there with me at the time of my tooth extraction. So, He tells me that you are having a lot of pain because the oral surgeon had to remove a lot of the bone to get the tooth out and since you have fibromyalgia, you are hypersensitive to pain anyway. Another day goes by, now I am having a terrible headache to go with the existing pain. Remembering that in the past, doctors had misdiagnosed my back problem due to fibromyalgia also, I decided to go back to the surgeon. I could not get my husband to take my pain seriously anyway. The surgeon looked at it and asked me why did I not come earlier. I wanted to say that fibromyalgia stopped me but I did not feel like explaining.

My husband is one of the most caring person I know. Even his assumptions did not serve me well. Recently, one of my friend had a premature baby. I could only assume that it must be very hard for her. I probably was no where close to what she must have gone through. I have never gone through the experience of delivering a baby and coming home without him. I have never lived through the pain of separation from my new born child. I can never truly feel her fear for her child. I know what emotional roller coster ride feels like just with hormonal changes after delivery. But, I do not know what it feels like when you add extra worries of well being of your new born to the mix of hormonal changes.

I will definitely think twice before I claim that I know how another person feels. I wonder if we like to reduce another person's pain in our mind, so it is easier for us to carry on with our lives.