goodbye uncle...

My best friend had written this following message to me few days ago.

 "I am sitting at the hospital the nurses are changing my dad. He is hanging in there with every part of his being. I am holding the same hands that have guided me from birth and I think about how much I love this man, my father. I tell him it's ok now, were all ok at the same time I want to scream, get up dad let's go home... I love my father, I pray and ask for forgiveness if I upset him and you know I did that! I smile he always said my boys were easy but you... I hope he forgives that immature girl. I hope he knows how much I love him, how I want to hold his hand and never let go . I pray for my father, and when the time comes I know god will hold out his arms and wrap him in love. He will be with his mother and father and I will be without mine.  Anyway, we made it to Friday. We cry our selfish tears  To keep him prisoner in his painful body. I want him to be pain free and not hurt or be poked for the hundredth time  I sit and pray and then I wait to see how this will all play out."


 Her dad passed away on Monday.  He was a good man, very kind and loving.  I remember how touched I was when he had chosen me to be his dentist over his daughter.  He was a man of few words.  I will always remember his "you girls" response to everything he did not approve of.  May he rest in peace.


The tree sheds its leaves in winter so it can start afresh next year, you must also shed the old to begin again.

I know how you feel....

We all use this line in day to day living, "I know how you feel". I would like to apologize to everyone I have said these words to. I have used these words, in the past, to make the other person feel that I understand their situation. But, do we really feel what the other person is feeling? I do not think so.

I am a dentist and I have extracted many teeth. Some patients ended up with a complication called dry socket. It happens in 10% of the cases. I would treat the patient as I was taught in school. I remember saying to my patients that I know how you feel. My statement used to be totally based on what I had studied, not on personal experience. My last ten days of pain has made it very clear, boy, I underestimated their pain. I had no idea what my patients were feeling and my educated guess was no where close to the pain I have been feeling. Last week, I had to get one of my teeth extracted. I went to an oral surgeon and follow all the post-op instructions but I kept having this awful pain which was not reducing after three days. Mind you, my husband is a dentist also who enjoys extracting teeth. He was there with me at the time of my tooth extraction. So, He tells me that you are having a lot of pain because the oral surgeon had to remove a lot of the bone to get the tooth out and since you have fibromyalgia, you are hypersensitive to pain anyway. Another day goes by, now I am having a terrible headache to go with the existing pain. Remembering that in the past, doctors had misdiagnosed my back problem due to fibromyalgia also, I decided to go back to the surgeon. I could not get my husband to take my pain seriously anyway. The surgeon looked at it and asked me why did I not come earlier. I wanted to say that fibromyalgia stopped me but I did not feel like explaining.

My husband is one of the most caring person I know. Even his assumptions did not serve me well. Recently, one of my friend had a premature baby. I could only assume that it must be very hard for her. I probably was no where close to what she must have gone through. I have never gone through the experience of delivering a baby and coming home without him. I have never lived through the pain of separation from my new born child. I can never truly feel her fear for her child. I know what emotional roller coster ride feels like just with hormonal changes after delivery. But, I do not know what it feels like when you add extra worries of well being of your new born to the mix of hormonal changes.

I will definitely think twice before I claim that I know how another person feels. I wonder if we like to reduce another person's pain in our mind, so it is easier for us to carry on with our lives.

9/11/01

9/11, ten years have gone by but the memory of the twin towers coming down still breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. One hateful act of terrorism that day, changed New York city, the USA, the World and us forever.

One act which was born in the heart of people who were full of hatred, cowardliness and selfishness. But, the people of New York showed the world what courage and selfless love looks like. Those brave people showed us how to get up and stand again after such a devastating fall. In day to day life, we lead a very individualistic life style. The brave men and women of the emergency response units showed us that if a need ever arises how we come together and risk our lives for the sake of others.

New York City is one of my most favorite places on the planet earth. I love how the city never sleeps. I am so glad that the people of New York City did not allow this act of terrorism to take their spirit away. My prayers go out to all those men and women who lost their lives on that fateful day and their families. God bless America.

"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." -Dan Rather

if you're looking for unconditional love, get a dog!

One of my nieces had posted this message on Facebook, "if you are looking for unconditional love, get a dog". Have we become so self-centered and self-absorbed that unconditional love is a rare occurrence? Things like fun, success and money has more value than love in our lives.

In every relationship, whether it be friendship or romantic love, it seems like people have to tread water very carefully. We are so overworked and under pressure that we have no tolerance for our loved ones. Our relationship fuses have become very short. We have a tendency to react first. when I was growing up, people made time for each other. People put effort into relationships, not for personal gain but just for the pure joy of the relationship. These days, no relationship is spared from competition and hidden agendas. "What have you done for me lately?" has become new age relationship mantra.

How did we allow "till death do us part" vow to become "till it suits me" vow? How did we let the story of Antony and Cleopatra become a fantasy instead of the beautiful love story that it was. It appears that deep everlasting love has become optional. We are willing to change our friends and partners like we upgrade our cell phones. We put off relationships for later but later never comes and people grow apart. Our wants and needs have grown so much that we are always in survival mode. We get so busy with our schedules that we stop making time for our partners and meeting their needs. This causes an emotional disconnect leading to a loveless relationship or infidelity.

Trust is the back bone of any meaningful relationship. We are unable to put full trust into a relationship due to the fear of pain that follows if the trust is ever broken. In order to experience the true beauty that love has to offer, one has to choose to become completely vulnerable. It is a gamble that only a few lucky people are willing to take.

In my journey with chronic pain, unconditional love has been my saving grace. The fact that I have not become a cynical, bitter person is a testimony to the power of unconditional love. I was fortunate enough to be the recipient of unconditional love. It has saved my life and filled my soul with beauty.


Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.
Leo Buscaglia

facebook etiquette

When you get a verbal barrage from somebody, you have a few choices in terms of how to deal with it. You can classify the behaviour as being off the chart (devient of social norm) and not take it seriously. You can choose to forgive the person and move on, or do what some of my friends have been advocationg, namely breaking of a leg, literally or figuratively.

Recently, one of my friend's was defriended on Facebook. My friend has a good sense of humor and finds this very amusing. My mind started churning, would defriending on Facebook be equivalent to the figurative meaning of breaking of a leg? If this is true then she really does not deserve such a harsh judgement. Given the long history of their friendship, the de-friender could have just as easily given her the silent treatment i.e. blocked her.

I find facebook etiquette a bit confusing. I do not mind showing affection to my husbeand in public. But apparently, writing a love note on his wall was too bold for my friends. Is writing a simple love note or posting a romantic song on his wall equivalent to giving him a kiss in public? If it is a kiss, then why is it inappropriate? After all, a kiss is just a kiss.

A kiss, when all is said, what is it?
A rosy dot placed on the "i" in loving;
'Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.
-Edmond Rostand

monkey face

Whether because of destiny or randomness of events, we encounter wide variety of people over time. A wise person may say that they come into our lives to teach us different lessons. For example, a bully may teach us to stand up for ourself.

A person like me, who likes her freedom, does not enjoy forceful lessons. I get lucky and get repeat performances by similar personality types. My most frequent visitors are the pushy, "I know it all" type. In the beginning, I do not say anything out of niceness. But the inch I give turns into a yard and, the freedom that I love, ends up being in jeopardy. The pushy type feels that their way is the only way. And, I feel that no one should take my right to choose away. This turns into a struggle and both, the teacher and the student forget about the lesson.

Because, I have lived with the pain for a long time, I have met many people who know exactly how to take my pain away. Most of them are not doctors. But, I always try their methods and end up being in more pain. I think that they come to teach me to use common sense. So far, I have only learned that common sense is not that common.

In my husband's case, he attracts the type of people who would say anything to get their way. Lying comes as a second nature to this genera of people. I think that he gets these visitors to teach him that everyone is not as nice as he is and that he should not be so eager to give everyone an opportunity to walk all over him. Recently, someone made a false statement to get some money out of him. He was so upset about the comment that he forgot to pay attention to the fact that the false claim was the only way to get money. He is a people pleaser and can not live with a negative comment even if it is not true. I could not resist the temptation to be a life teacher. I told him that if a person says that you are a monkey, neither do you become a monkey nor should you believe that you are a monkey. So, why be bothered by this person's comments.

Not all the teachers drive me crazy, many have taught me very important lessons of life for example, how important it is to forgive, to love unconditionally, to be a big hearted person, and to be available for the unexpected magical moments of life. I thank all my teachers from bottom of my heart.

Rivera's game winning pitch!

I can count on few things to give me true joy, no matter what kind of day I am having. My girls laughter, a kiss from my love, maa's yummy food, a beautiful love song, visit from friends and family, listening to the sound of the waves and watching Mariano Rivera strike out a batter with bases loded for the third and final out!

It really is a joy to watch Rivera pitch. He is my favorite player, the best closer. I really admire him for having awesome composure. Only if I could perform like him. I have always wondered what makes certain players better than others. All the players who make it to the major league must have natural talent. All of them must practice a lot, have amazing hand eye coordination and focusing capability so strong that fifty thousand people screaming at top of their lungs can not affect it. yet, few of them shine brighter than others.

I may not know the names of the players of all the teams and their statistics like my husband does but I do love the game of baseball. It makes my day when my girls jump up and down while screaming, "the Yankees won".

We do not know any of the players personally but we are so happy when they win, it is as though we have won. Imagine, if we could all feel the same level of happiness for each other when we succeed in life. People have easier time showing genuine emotion when a person is suffering than if a person was celebrating. Is it because we feel that there are only limited number of happy moments and unlimited number of unhappy moments exist in the universe? There are numerous philosophies and books availble explaining the concept of abundance in the world or the universe, then why do we not want to accept this and act accordingly? If we could accept it, we would be able to live in happier and more peaceful society.

"Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied".
Mark Twain