a few Gifts from pain

For the longest time, I only focused on what pain has taken away from me.  I mourned the loss of my career as a dentist, my ability to be a mother in full sense of the word, my ability to help my family when needed, my ability to make my dream of climbing up the Himalayas, come true, my ability to dance the night away with the love of my life, my ability to run around with my girls, give them piggy back rides and be a kid with them, and my ability to do simple things like doing  groceries,  shopping, traveling, showering, getting ready, watching a movie in a theater, entertaining etc.,without worrying about the pain that would follow...

We all change over a period of time but our basic personality remains the same.  I have always had very strong views about how things should be.  I was under the impression that I still was one of those very controlling, perfectionist, ants in the pants type of person, regardless of my long history with pain.                                                                                                                                            

One day, as I was talking to one of my nieces, I realized that the pain had changed my personality over time and how I look at life.  Pain had taught me to see beauty in imperfections and I am very grateful for that.  I could not believe myself, what was coming out my mouth.  I was telling her that true joy lies in the anticipation of the next adventure that life has planned for us.  I had finally understood that there is a sense of freedom when we give up the need to control our future.

Pain has also taught me to live in the present moment.  In my case, every time I thought it could not get any worse, it did.  So I learned the hard way to appreciate what life is presenting right now.

The old me was a very high achiever.  I used to have ten things running around my head at any given time.  I believed that multitasking was the only way to be productive in life.  Then one day as I was listening to the music of my girls laughter, I realized that the old me would have been too preoccupied to pay full attention to their laughter.  I would have missed many small but very precious moments of my life.  I began to notice the things that gave me true joy on an everyday basis instead of waiting for the big moment to happen.  Now my mind was fully aware of the joy when my girls gave me a hug or when my husband smiled at me.  I was living life more intensely.  Suddenly it was ok to have less experiences long as I was fully present for the ones I was lucky to have.