The big Question, WHY ME?

I have been looking for an answer to "why me" for a very long time.  I could never make sense of my suffering.  I needed to know what was the purpose.  I believe in universal intelligence.  I believe that everything happens for a reason.  But I was not able to come up with any reason for my pain.

I did a lot of reading and asked many learned people for the answer.  But I never got a satisfactory answer. I remember asking my brother after my car accident and his response was that I would figure it out five years down the road.  Thirteen years later, I still have no answer.

I have tried variety of sources, from psychic to religious books to new age spirituality, to explain me, why universe gave me knowledge and desire to serve the society and then force me to sit on sideline and watch life go by.  Why did the universe decide to make me a burden on the same society I wanted to serve?

This question has caused me a lot of mental anguish.  It has kept me from smelling the roses and enjoying what I do have.  Last week, I was having one of those really bad days and my husband called to see if I had eaten anything.  I proceeded to tell him that I'm in too much pain to make myself lunch.  Even though he only gets one hour for lunch and his work is a 20 minute drive, he choose to come home and feed me lunch.  As I was watching him do this, I realized that I have never questioned "why" I have such a loving and caring husband.  It hit me then, that if I accept all the good in my life without wondering "why me", I must accept my pain and all the suffering that comes with pain too.

At that moment, I realized that I can relate to a quote in the movie The Lord of the Rings spoken by Gandalf to Frodo.  He said "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us ".   We can either chose to accept the good with the bad and live to the best of our capabilities or sulk and question "why me".